My, how time flies...

So much to write.  I find myself here late at night once again but for perhaps a different purpose than previous late night postings.  You see, the main difference is that with most posts is to keep you, the unfortunate readers of my blog, informed on the details of what make me who I am.  This post, however, is for my peace of mind.

Tonight, I had a great time catching up with friend of mine that I haven't spent time catching up with for quite a while.  During the course of our conversation, however, I learned that this friend recently went out on a date with someone I truly admire and would probably drop just about anyone if given the chance to date him.  (See this post.)  I openly admitted to hating this friend of mine for going on a date with this guy (and for the date(s) they have planned) but also confessed that it's not a real hatred because they're both amazing guys and they would totally be happy together and certainly deserve the greatness that they each are.  Still, not something I was super thrilled about for my own life.

As I think I've mentioned a little, I've been in a somewhat complicated, okay very complicated to be honest, relationship for a few months now.  Unfortunately, we recently had a discussion where I made the comment, "It feels like this is the beginning of the end" to which he agreed.  We'll always be friends.  However, as I've been looking around a little more this week I'm realizing how much this guy means to me because of how great of a fit we are together.  It's going to take someone pretty amazing to replace what I feel I'll be losing with him.

Those two blows were pretty rough, both of which are dumb to me why it's affecting me the way it is.  These two experiences, and a handful of smaller ones, have triggered a need for me, I think, to take some time away from anything gay-social and try to refill my vulnerability reserves.  I don't like the idea of this.  After all, they weren't lying when they said that man is not meant to be alone and I'm certainly in that group.  I want to have that person to send/receive random text messages during the day to say you were thinking of each other and that person that you get to look forward to seeing for dinner or a movie or a walk along the river and really, just that one person who means the world to you and you to them.  Perhaps in time.

Life is good overall.  It's way busier than I wanted it to be right now but perhaps that's a blessing as well.  Until the right moment arrives.....