There have been two somewhat popular stories going around the facebook world lately and the buzz it's creating is helping one my greatest fears come true. I think it's great that a gay man and a straight woman have found a way to make marriage work and have a family and live happily ever after. What I don't think is great are the sheep jumping on the band-wagon that it's a good solution for the majority of other gay men. I'm not super thrilled that two of my sisters sent me the love story of Josh & Laurel with little hints of hope of, "Not sure if you've seen this but thought it was interesting...maybe we can talk about it". I somehow don't think they're really going to be interested in hearing me re-hash the failed relationships I've had with women in the past and I doubt they want to hear that all I want to find is a successful, mature, spiritual man to spend my life with and that I have no desire to ever come near a set of breasts outside of the "hug" environment. It was commented that the happy stories don't get told as often because they blend in but what about the attempt at this so called happiness? Who's telling the stories of the gay men and women who try to date member's of the opposite sex, choosing to do so hoping that the loneliness, unhappiness, sometimes torture, are eventually outweighed by some spiritual blessings? Who's telling the stories of the gay men and women that tried for years to make it work, tried to model an attempt at marriage after stories like these only to become one of the statistics and end their marriage in divorce, often with children now involved? Perhaps these stories don't get told as often because we are still in a society where being gay is not viewed as socially acceptable, certainly within the LDS realm, and by the time someone is in a marriage, they're too afraid to tell anyone that one of them is gay for fear of the judging that will likely take place, knowing that if that marriage were to ever fail, the gay spouse will most likely be blamed.
I hope these people's successes in their own life don't force others to take their lives back into the closet.
Andy
I feel exactly the same way about this as you do, Andy. I read the Weeks' post earlier this morning. As you said, I am glad that this works for them, but, to assume that this could work for everyone, or even for a majority, is downright wrong.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about my life in conjunction with their story. I tried being married to a man. Not because I loved him- I thought I did, but, I did not. My "marriage" was more because I felt like I had to: "had" to for my parents, "had" to for the Church, "had" to for my community of friends who were mostly Mormon, etc. I found, after a very short period of time, that if I had stayed, I would have used a gun and blown my head off. (Sorry for being so descriptive, but exactly true.)- if one of the reasons for coming to this earth life is "to experience", I would certainly have cut that short by dying. I think there are very few people out there who truly understand what it means, and how it feels, to be gay and in the Church. Deciding whether to give up religion, or sexuality, life itself, figuring out how to reconcile the whole gamut of questions, and on and on, is very difficult. I dare say that many of these non-gay people who think change from gay to straight is so easy would never make it through the emotional battles we face every day.
I love you. I think you are an amazing man. The man who finds you and becomes the one with whom you will share you heart, soul and life is a very lucky man, indeed.
Happy day. :)
No need to apologize on being descriptive. I'm sure many people have felt that way simply dealing with life as it is let alone trying to add the complication of a spouse. One thing I neglected to mention was that yes, of course I want to have a family. Just this weekend I received two comments regarding how much fun I'd have being a parent. Perhaps someday but I won't ruin someone's life just to accomplish that goal.
ReplyDeleteAdditionally, one of many things I love and admire about you is your ability to reconcile and balance the details of life you mentioned. I know that this is probably more successful at certain times over others but you provide me a great source of inspiration regarding this and I thank you for it.
Duck, I would blog just to have you in my life. You are so great an individual and I truly hope to be there at that final celebration day when we get to celebrate you. Thank you for being you. Much love!
You made me cry when you wrote that you would blog just to have me in your life. I am so humbly touched.
ReplyDeleteBut, I am the lucky one. I do not know how or why you ever found my blog way back yonder to begin with. I did not even know you or even know you were there. Then one day, you left a loving and kind comment, and I felt/feel like I have known, and loved you, forever.
You are a truly great man, Andy. Thank YOU for being my friend and for loving me. I feel it through the air waves. :)
I have the same fears about Josh Weed's story as well. Even though he implicitly says that his path is his own and may not be the right one for everyone, I'm afraid too many people will remember only the parts of his story they want to use to convince others to take his path or that same naive young gay person will think he can follow the same path as Josh and be just as happy, only to find something else entirely. Josh Weed has the right to his story, but people need to remember that it's HIS story and no one else's.
ReplyDeleteYes... Pretty predictable that these kinds of "hints" get dropped in droves whenever a story like this gets publicity. I heard of similar fallout after Ty Mansfield's story got published in LDS Living.
ReplyDeletePut it in the category of "people hear what they want to hear."