Relationship with God

Yesterday as I was catching up on some of the blogs that I follow I came across a very interesting post.  It was written by someone whom I'd admire greatly and consider a close friend.  This person and I have had many conversations regarding various gospel and non-gospel topics and I have come to appreciate his thoughts and ideas a great deal.  When I read this post I was taken back a bit and had some cause to reflect on my position regarding the love I have for God.

I feel I should throw out this quick disclaimer/reminder that this is my blog and my views and my honest intention is none other than expressing my thoughts.  I by no means hope to persuade or influence anyone in making decisions for his/her life as I strongly feel that we are each entitled to our own revelation regarding the direction we should go in our lives.  That being said, read on if you'd like....

My first reaction to his final question was, "I love God in spite of my homosexual tendencies".  Do I believe God has the power to take away this feelings and desires? Most certainly!  Am I angry or bitter towards him for not doing so? Most certainly not!  It's a contradiction that sometimes I don't fully understand myself, though I believe strongly in it.  My God loves me.  He always has and I KNOW that he always will.  I can't explain why or how I know this only that I do.

My mind then re-read a question which he asked just a few sentences before that question, "Could someone really love something more than they loved God?".  In my mind, the simple answer is no.  However, those of us that experience SSA or SGA or whatever we are calling it today know that this is not an easy "no" answer.  You see, I have had the wonderful chance to be in a relationship with an incredible man whom I have come to greatly admire and care for a considerable amount even to the point that I could easily say I love him (and I have ;)).  Do I love him more than God?  No.  As much as I can possibly commit to at this point, knowing that I don't pretend to claim to know the future in the slightest degree, God will always be my top priority.  After all, isn't that how we are commanded to live (keep in mind that sometimes in my mind I interpret God to mean Heavenly Father or Jesus Christ or sometimes it can mean the Godhead)? That being said, the peace that I have been able to experience the past few months since growing closer to this incredible man has allowed me to be more at peace with my Heavenly Father and in my mind develop a more loving relationship with him.  Do I intend to write on here that I think God fully approves of my relationship? Certainly not.  However, do I intend to write on here that I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and that he wants what is best for me? I certainly do.  I know that all that he can ask of me is that I do my best.  For me, sacrificing the ability to attend the temple, partake of the sacrament, participate in the church ordinances of baptism, confirmation, priesthood blessings is indeed a sacrifice.  However, is that sacrifice greater than having the opportunity to be happy in this life and to be in a place where I can develop a greater relationship with and get to know more fully my Heavenly Father? That is up to each individual to answer. 

I know there are some that would strongly disagree with me and there are those who will continue to be supportive of me regardless of my shortcomings.  I know that these are my thoughts and feelings as of right now, at 11:30 pm on Monday, August 10, 2009 and there is a good chance that those will change someday.  Perhaps a week or a month or a year or 10 years from now I'll look back on this blog post and wonder what I was thinking and quickly delete it.  Perhaps I won't.  For now, I am very grateful to my dear friend for posting such a thought provoking blog post that gave me yet another reason to reflect on the great love that I have for my Heavenly Father.  May anyone who reads this take a few minutes and read the words of my dear friend and then take a few moments to reflect in your own heart the relationship you have with your Heavenly Father.

Much love to you all, my brothers and sisters, on this earthly journey.

Andy