What an interesting two weeks. What an interesting two months.

It seems that my goal of blogging more hasn't quite come to fruition but it could have something to do with the fact that this is my busy season at my office so I live there these days. There have been a couple of fairly significant thought processes work their way through my mind as of late, one of which I will need to post to it's own post. I will however, attempt to post an update on my social status here.

Looking back on things the past six weeks or so I've known that things with M and I weren't going to be lasting much longer. And they didn't. I really struggled with making a decision that seemed to be just that, totally my decision, and yet was going to make me unhappy. That made no sense. However, that was in the short term. As hard as that decision was to end things and try to evolve our friendship it's been one of the best things for me personally. I don't know that I can really explain what has caused me to feel this way but I suppose, in a nutshell, it became something more of a chore or obligation rather than something I really wanted to be involved in. That may sound really harsh or mean or sad but it is what it is. Part of the motivation I felt to break things off is related to my other post which I'll be writing but it's something that requires some changes in my life.

Two weeks ago I arranged a visit to Idaho to take one of my sisters out to dinner for her birthday. On my way there I spent the night in Logan with a good friend that I don't get to see/talk to often enough. Some things came up at work the evening I was to head to Logan so I didn't end up getting away until after 11:00 pm and then foggy roads added driving time to the trip that I didn't enjoy but I managed to find my way to his place. We talked until after 3:00 am catching up and discussing different views on various topics. Oh how I enjoyed that. I really need to find a way to make that happen more often. I got up in the morning and headed to Idaho Falls where I had the great opportunity to spend sometime with another dear friend that I don't get to visit with as much as I'd like. We had a great time sharing our thoughts on various gospel and worldly and social and personal etc ideas. It's truly such a blessing to have such wonderful friends in one's life. How lucky I am.

Sunday morning I had the chance to spend some time with someone I had met years ago and hadn't really kept in touch with. I was amazed at how closely our thinking aligned with one another on so many topics. He's LDS, gay and had the chance to be in a relationship with someone where they lived in a different city outside of Idaho and for whatever reason, it worked out that he was back in town again. We talked about our lives and our hopes and ambitions and our dreams and what goals we were trying to work on and how we want to improve our individual situations. As I was leaving we agreed to keep in touch a little better and possibly even try to work out a date. I was surprised at two things: 1. How totally and completely natural I felt being in his presence; it was a comfort that I think I really needed. 2. How surprised I was that I was even considering going out on a date with this guy given some of the other changes in my life that I'm trying to make. So, keep in touch we did over the next few days and I felt myself being pulled even closer and closer to him. I wanted to talk with him more and learn more about where he is in his life and how he came to be in this place. I felt so strongly enough about this that last Sunday morning at around 1:30 am I decided to go see him. I left my apt and arrived in Idaho Falls around 5:00 am after driving through fog from about Farr West to Blackfoot. I can't explain what I gained from that quick trip to Idaho but I drove home to Utah that afternoon feeling like a better person.

So now, what? A better person how you ask? Well, let me tell you. I've made a few resolutions or goals to work on in the near future, very near future. One of the most important efforts I'll be making is with regards to my spiritual relationship with my Heavenly Father. I drove home that evening so excited to go to church this Sunday (just a few hours away now :) ). Part of that change will also include taking a look at the social aspects of my life to see what opportunities I have there. Some of the friends that I had been hanging out with recently, while they weren't necessarily against the church, certainly weren't very encouraging and supportive of the little efforts I had been making. Secondly, I really, really, really, really want my sisters to know their brother. I've been pondering and trying to be prayerful about how to tell them about this part of my life. It's funny, the more prayerful I am about it the more peace I feel about telling them. I have no doubt that there will be some uneasiness and I'm sure I'll have to try hard to not be offended by their words/actions but I feel so strongly right now that they need to know. Third, I'm trying to be a better employee. I recently received a promotion at work and it's been an exciting challenge and so, as part of that, I'm striving to be a better employee and not just work more. Lastly, for my life, today, I want to be happy. When one stops and thinks about it the idea of being happy really can be quite simple if we'll allow it. Life is going to happen regardless of what we do. Fortunately for us, we have the choice as to whether or not we'll be happy. I'm going to be happy.

If you've managed to read this far I hope you only dozed off once or twice. It's late and I'll be posting more tomorrow (probably from church but don't judge me ;) ).

Thank you to all of my friends. If we don't know each other very well yet, please take a minute and send me a message. I always enjoy meeting new people regardless of where you live or what's going on in your life.

Happy Sunday!