Some of you may be friends with me on facebook and some of you may not. If you are, you may have noticed a few somewhat heated discussions recently regarding the topic of gay marriage. I'm still not convinced that we need to legally change the laws within this country to allow two men or two women to get married. The idea was brought up once or twice on my facebook wall that perhaps a different type of union could be created for when a gay couple decides to commit to each other. I don't totally love the idea but I can admittedly see some benefits to it. I am convinced, however, that this country needs to have a better understanding of diversity and there needs to be a huge influx of tolerance in so many regards. When a dad tells his teenage daughter that she has to follow their rules and be home by 9:00 on a school night and 10:00 on a weekend night, I think there are very few times when the daughter simply says, "Okay dad, that sounds great". I believe that it would be the same way with telling this country that now they have to accept gay marriage. I'm all for progression in this country but I don't think this is an effective way to go about it. I have yet to find where getting married is a right and I don't think it's discrimination not changing the laws to allow it.
Instead, I submit that we as a country and as citizens need to take a step back and try to figure out what it is we're afraid of by recognizing that two men or two women can love each other. If we can recognize that, we can begin to move on from the stereotypes that all that the gay community represents is drinking, drugs, partying, promiscuity, pedophilia or whatever else the general public thinks of when they see a gay person. In conjunction with that, I think it's the responsibility of the gay community to provide the general public with opportunities to see this. Don't force it down someone's throat or try to rub their nose in it (i.e. let's take a stand and kiss on Temple Square). Rather, be a good member of the community, contributing to society, helping your neighbors, working towards the betterment of others. I can't help but expect that as more and more people see this behavior and less of the stereotypical behaviors, they'd be more open-minded when it comes to major medical decisions or health care benefits or whatever two individuals who love each other are working for. Then, I believe, we will start to see a level of acceptance, tolerance, and love in this country that is desired but I don't believe will come through force.
Nice sentiment. I totally agree with you that that the real struggle is on a deeper level here for hearts and minds.
ReplyDeleteThat said, part of the reason marriage is pushed is because sometimes (as was the case with African American civil rights) change in law can precede change in attitude. Of course, you can legitimately argue that for many people the mentality toward African Americans didn't actually change, and that's a matter, again, of hearts and minds versus the surface level of "the law." Still, I find it hard to imagine that the changes in laws didn't help the African Americans' cause.
I actually have been kind of tossed up on the good/bad of pressing the issue, like you apparently. Still, the fear manifested by religious conservatives of changing definitions and social mores is actually encouraging in that they seem to think that changing the law will indeed affect hearts and minds.
I guess for myself I share your concerns, but at the same time I support pushes for gay marriage on balance because of the clear generational shift of opinion (which would seem to mitigate some potential negative consequences) that has been noted on the subject and perhaps a naive optimism that people will realize the rightness of it when they confront the issue.
Ah, that's it, another important part of the issue. Coming from my Mormon background and observing "my people's" attitudes toward gay rights, I can't help but think that much of the lack of understanding and divide of opinions exists simply because people do not CONFRONT THE ISSUE OF HOMOSEXUALITY DIRECTLY. Much resistance stems simply from ignorance and not understanding the nature of homosexuality. I guess I also hope that changing laws would help motivate them to confront the issue for themselves, rather than just going by instilled prejudice and avoiding coming to their own conclusions.
I guess it's a huge uphill battle either way, and you're absolutely right about how critical it is for gay people themselves to stand up and be good examples. To do that, though, they have to be visible, and--frankly--making them married would go a long way to increasing their visibility in one fell swoop.