Experiences

Though it's late, I feel I should take the time to further expound on a previous post. Saturday evening I had a chance to visit with some truly amazing people. The couple that I visited with were so inspiring and encouraging but most of all, they were loving. It was truly a phenomenal way to spend a couple of hours. I was there with a good friend of mine and while we were there we discussed gospel topics, personal topics, traditions of the great native americans, and many other things. My life was greatly enriched from that visit and I shall never be the same. To my good friend who invited me there I am grateful.

While we were there I had an interesting experience that made me feel very special while also creating a longing inside of me. The couple we were visiting currently has their expecting daughter and two grand-daughters living with them as their son-in-law recently passed away. The two grand-daughters were so precious. The youngest one, I'll call her Mary, was a little shy at first but soon warmed up to me. She wanted to sit on my lap and look at a book so I obliged. Though she couldn't read we enjoyed the book a couple of times. For most of the time while we were "reading" books, she kept staring at me with this wondering gaze. It wasn't uncomfortable because she was so young but rather created some curiosity for me as to what her simple, innocent mind was trying to figure out. I wondered if she was confused by my soul patch but as I would soon find out, that wasn't it at all. Her mother, at one point, gathered her and her older sister to go and clean up the toys they had been playing with in preparation for going to bed. She didn't want to go but I told her that I'd hold onto her book until she came back. This gave her comfort knowing it would be okay for her to go for a few minutes but as she got off my lap she said, "Okay Dad, I'll be back". My heart ached. How innocent this young little girl was, not fully grasping that she wouldn't see her father in this mortal life. As sad as I was for her, my heart ached out of selfishness as well. As I've touched on briefly in previous posts, a family is such a strong desire for me and not that I don't have hope of having a family, the prospects aren't real bright at this time. How grateful I was for that brief moment that I felt the blessing of caring for one of my Heavenly Father's chosen children. I've had some time to ponder on this experience and I continue to be grateful for the holy spirit. How grateful I am for his comfort and reassurance that while this life, for me anyhow, has it's unique struggles, I can still experience the blessings that others experience through little opportunities such as this. I picked up Hillary Week's new CD recently and there is a song on there that talks about the tender behind the mercy. How grateful I am for a loving, tender Heavenly Father who knows me personally and knows the desires of my heart and continually chooses to bless me. Do I wish this struggle would end? Certainly. However, I'm grateful for experiences and people that I've met during the past month that have helped me better handle this struggle and have provided me much hope for the future. May we all constantly remember how much we are loved by our Heavenly Father. As hard as it may be, in our darkest hour, try to remember that he is there and is waiting to bless us.