Good days and bad days....

And yesterday was kind of a bad day. :( I know that everyone has them but that doesn't make it better. This has been a long week and today just kind of pushed things over the edge. I try to be positive but sometimes I wonder if I push myself to much and don't allow reality to be in my life often enough so that when reality finally sets in, it knocks me down. I started writing this post last night and had to quit because it was just making me more depressed. Now, however, I'm sitting on temple square after enjoying a nice session of Music & the Spoken Word and my thoughts are a little better. I don't know that I'm any happier per se but I feel better. This past week, as the days went on, I found myself feeling more and more lonely. I wanted so bad to be loved and not just verbally but to have someone physically love me. I'm generally able to feel some satisfaction regarding this from my roommate who is one of my best friends but he's working through his own life and struggles and I have been able to feel that lately. This life can really suck sometimes and while grateful for the friendships that I have made recently, sometimes its just not enough. :(

On my way up her today, I listened to my new CD from Hillary Weeks that I have come to love. The song that was playing had this chorus: "Just let me cry, I know its had to see, but the pain I feel, isn't going away today. Just let me cry, till every year has fallen, don't ask when and don't ask why, just let me cry." how simple but true those words are. After the chorus she sings, "when I agreed that God could put this heart inside me, I understood that there would be a chance that it would break; but I know He knows exactly how I'm feeling, and I know in time He'll take the pain away....". Did I? Did I know how hard this life would be and even after knowing, I agreed to it? If I did indeed know these things, then surely I believed that he could, and would, take the pain away, or at least make it better. Why then is it so hard for me now?
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