Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday Evening
It's time for bed and I've never been happier to put a weekend behind me. I didn't make it to Music & the Spoken Word today like I had wanted. I didn't go to church this morning like I usually do. I ate a bowl of cereal while watching Music & the Spoken Word on my tivo and found myself feeling glad I hadn't gone. Today wasn't the spiritual high that Sunday has been for me in the past. I had to work for a few hours this afternoon/evening and I was glad to get that over with. I came home and hung out with one of my roommates that I do much with, played some Call of Duty, and now I'm in bed. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't like this feeling of being "lost" but I don't have the motivation to go searching either. The physical need is still very strong and very real tonight and it saddens me deeply that I can't have that. I feel like I'm mourning something that has been lost and yet, I don't know what it is that has been lost. Is it the hope that I still managed to hold on to that I can somehow make all of my righteous desires come true in this life? I don't know. All I do know is that I have another fun week of working two jobs ahead of me and I don't have time to deal with my issues that put me in this place. I need to snap out of it and be able to get stuff done. With any luck, I'll be in a decent mood by the fireside Friday night.
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Andy, I hope to meet you at the fireside Friday. I have worried about you all day. You are such a sensitive soul and are trying so hard. Sometime we all get burned out and feel like we just want to give in or give up or just go away. I have been there many times. Sometimes all I can do is just hold on and sometimes I don't even want to do that.
ReplyDeleteWhen I am really low and I either don't want to pray or do pray and it doesn't seem to help, I do a few things that seem to lessen the loneliness and pain. Sometimes it is taking a nap. Sometimes I hop on my bike for an hour or two. Sometimes it is calling my wife or a close friend. Sometimes I have called blog brothers and leaned on them. Sometimes I just immerse myself in work and get so busy that I don't have time to dwell on things too much. Sometimes I call my close friend who "knows everything" and ask for a blessing followed by a big hug.
I don't know if any of this helps, but know that you are loved and accept a big cyber hug from me. I hope your week improves. You are an awesome man.
Bravone
Bravone, thanks for writing tonight. What a long weekend. What do I do when I don't feel like there's anything to "hold on to"? That's the hardest thing for me. I do feel burned out. I'm tired of trying. Give up/in? Sure, that would be SO easy. Go away? I'd love to! I often wonder what I do if I had no debt and didn't really have a need to work. Would I stay in one place very long? Would I just go with the wind and not anyone get close to me and not have to worry about keeping up appearances with anyone? Perhaps.
ReplyDeleteOne nice thing about having crappy days like this is that it has to get better right? ;)
Thanks for the hug.
Andy, It will get better. One nice thing about blogging is that you don't have to keep up appearances. You can be you and freely express yourself. I don't know if you read my blog, but one time I called out for help because I didn't know how I would make it through the day without having a drink. I hesitated showing my weaknesses, but decided to be honest in my blog, no shows, just me, the good and bad. I was amazed at the responses I got. I had a few email me their numbers and offer a listening ear. I was nervous at first, but did call a few and what a blessing it was to have someone care enough about me to listen. I offer the same to you. If you ever want to just talk, email me and I will send my number or you can send my yours.
ReplyDeleteThe sun will rise in the morning.
Bravone