Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Did it help me any? No. It keeps making things worse. Last night after I got off work at 10:15 I went to Wal-Mart and bought a bunch of Christmas decorations for my office because one of my co-workers put some stuff up on my window so I was kind of getting back at them in a nice way and was at the office until about 12:45 putting stuff up. I was tired of course and slept through my alarm waking up 15 minutes before I had a conference call so I got dressed extremely fast, flew to the office, ran up 3 flights up stairs and barely made the call. Once the call was done I got to take down part of my decorations because some a-holes that I work with didn't appreciate them and later in the day more of the stuff had to be changed because of people's power trips. Tonight my phone is all jacked up and while I'm happy that part of it is working better, it's no where near how it was setup 4 hours ago and I'm annoyed by that.
Now, hopefully you made it this far before being utterly depressed and moving on because things haven't been all bad. I've tried to take some advice that was recently given and I've looked at my diet and exercising and have tried to make an effort to improve those areas. It always feel good to exercise and I need to do it more (plus then I'll be happy with how I look :)) This morning while I was taking some of the decorations down some surprise visitors made an appearance at my office. For those of you that don't know, I have volunteered with the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program for over two years now. I have an amazing little brother in that program that I love dearly. It's been an amazing thing for me and my life in addition to the dramatic changes in his life. Anyway, this morning some people from the program came by to give me a plaque, t-shirt & balloons for being nominated as the Big Brother of the Year. Fourteen people were nominated out of 1,600 volunteers. The nice lady spoke loudly so that my co-workers would hear and she proceeded to share of the things that my little brother and his mom had written in about. I about cried. It was a very touching & humbling experience for me. After work, I got to go to dinner with my three younger sisters and one of my roommates which was very nice. I don't get to do much with these sisters because one doesn't live here so we had a nice time. After dinner an old friend stopped by that just moved back in town and it was nice to catch up with them for a little while. I played a little Call of Duty and then came into my room around midnight and played the piano some. I've been practicing a song that I have been considering playing at an upcoming function and it's been very nice for me to get away and play the piano for a bit. Lastly, I spent some catching up on the North Star emails. Man they email a ton!
I joined a couple of the NS grouped on a suggestion from someone and it's been an interesting experience. I don't know how long I'll stay involved with it. Reading the emails is hard for me because I don't feel like I belong with those people. I read the emails and try to relate with them and it just doesn't happen. I don't know why exactly. I want to relate with them for the most part. I want my life to have happiness in it but for some reason, it's just not happening. I'm not necessarily miserable and depressed but I'm not happy. Everytime I start to feel happy regarding something in my life something weird happens and my reality seems to change if that makes any sense. Hence the title of the post....what. I don't get it. Not a lot is making sense to me right now. I know I have to work because I have to pay my bills but other than that, what? It's 1:15 in the morning and I should be getting up in 4 1/2 hours so that I can go to the gym but for what? It's like I know I need to snap out of it but I just can't for some reason. I wonder what I would do if I didn't have to work? Probably nothing.
Now, hopefully you made it this far before being utterly depressed and moving on because things haven't been all bad. I've tried to take some advice that was recently given and I've looked at my diet and exercising and have tried to make an effort to improve those areas. It always feel good to exercise and I need to do it more (plus then I'll be happy with how I look :)) This morning while I was taking some of the decorations down some surprise visitors made an appearance at my office. For those of you that don't know, I have volunteered with the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program for over two years now. I have an amazing little brother in that program that I love dearly. It's been an amazing thing for me and my life in addition to the dramatic changes in his life. Anyway, this morning some people from the program came by to give me a plaque, t-shirt & balloons for being nominated as the Big Brother of the Year. Fourteen people were nominated out of 1,600 volunteers. The nice lady spoke loudly so that my co-workers would hear and she proceeded to share of the things that my little brother and his mom had written in about. I about cried. It was a very touching & humbling experience for me. After work, I got to go to dinner with my three younger sisters and one of my roommates which was very nice. I don't get to do much with these sisters because one doesn't live here so we had a nice time. After dinner an old friend stopped by that just moved back in town and it was nice to catch up with them for a little while. I played a little Call of Duty and then came into my room around midnight and played the piano some. I've been practicing a song that I have been considering playing at an upcoming function and it's been very nice for me to get away and play the piano for a bit. Lastly, I spent some catching up on the North Star emails. Man they email a ton!
I joined a couple of the NS grouped on a suggestion from someone and it's been an interesting experience. I don't know how long I'll stay involved with it. Reading the emails is hard for me because I don't feel like I belong with those people. I read the emails and try to relate with them and it just doesn't happen. I don't know why exactly. I want to relate with them for the most part. I want my life to have happiness in it but for some reason, it's just not happening. I'm not necessarily miserable and depressed but I'm not happy. Everytime I start to feel happy regarding something in my life something weird happens and my reality seems to change if that makes any sense. Hence the title of the post....what. I don't get it. Not a lot is making sense to me right now. I know I have to work because I have to pay my bills but other than that, what? It's 1:15 in the morning and I should be getting up in 4 1/2 hours so that I can go to the gym but for what? It's like I know I need to snap out of it but I just can't for some reason. I wonder what I would do if I didn't have to work? Probably nothing.
Andy, congratulations on receiving the award. It is wonderful that others see in you what sometimes you miss. What an honor!
ReplyDelete"What am I doing?" Andy, you are living life. My wife likes to say, "Life is hard and then we die." Kind of morbid, but fairly true. Does it mean that we can't find happiness amidst the trials? No.
I kind of have a simplistic analogy that sometimes helps me answer the question "what am I doing." I apologize in advance because I am not very eloquent. I hope you can use your imagination and make more of it than my words express.
I envision us in the Pre-existence standing on a hillside looking across a beautiful valley full of roses and seeing our eternal destination on the other side of this beautiful valley. We are told that the destination will be worth every effort to get there, but that the journey will be rough and difficult. As we looked down on the valley, all we could really see was the beauty and opportunity and we eagerly awaited our turn to plunge ourselves into this new adventure.
Now that we are here in the valley, we realize that it is indeed rough, much more difficult than we anticipated. We realize that those beautiful roses have thorns that rip and tear at our flesh. We stumble over hidden rocks, fall, get bruised, cut up and bleed. Nevertheless, we get up and keep moving toward our promised reward on the other side of the hill. The valley is still as beautiful as it was before. Even though we sweat, and ache from our journey, when we pause, we smell the beautiful aroma of the flowering valley. We come to fresh water creeks and drink abundantly and then press on only to thirst again. Sometimes we lose sight of our goal and meander off the path. Sometimes in our wandering we find another soul who has lost his way and is laying on the ground ready to give up. In our weakened condition, we barely have strength to help him to his feet. Many times we fall and feel as if we have spent all the energy within us. We feel alone and abandoned. At these moments, we feel unseen arms wrap around us and lift us to our feet, even carry us for a while until we regain our strength. We wonder if the goal is really worth the agony it is taking to reach it.
Then I envision ourselves finally making it to the top of the hill and turning to look back on our journey. As we look over the valley we traversed, we see the amazing beauty, we smell the wonderful aroma, but we are stronger, wiser, and more self confident because of the journey. We made it! It was indeed worth every effort to get there. And there we find peace and rest.
"What am we doing?" We are doing the best we can and need to realize that that is all that is expected of us. We are living in this beautiful, painful valley we call life. I share the journey with you. I know we can make it.
With my arms wrapped around you,
Bravone
Holy cow man. That's so awesome. I'm not suprised though. And I'm not saying that just to compliment you. I'm really not suprised. You're so sincere and kind and wise that I can't imagine any other experince for your little brother and his mom than something incredible.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel and I'm sorry you feel that way. Do you work Thursday evening? If not, lets hang out. Sorry man. Love you.